It's Christmas and we've moved... again. In my 29 years of marriage, we've moved 16 times. This time has been harder for me. I think my body is just getting to the point that it can't handle the physical requirements to actually move all of our things around. There seems to be an endless amount of boxes to unpack. Not just the placement of furniture but all the artwork, knickknacks, books, and technology. There just seems to be so much of EVERYTHING.
It's not just the material things. It's the emotional baggage as well. It used to be exciting when we moved - the idea of redecorating, of making new friends, of discovering new things to do. This time however, I don't know what to do with it all and it's overwhelming. It's winter and where I've moved gets even more snow than the last place we lived. My background level of anxiety/depression ratchets up a bit during the winter months anyway and with the move as well it's a bit higher than even the normal. Between the unpacking and the weather and my own personal emotional rollercoaster, I've barely gotten out of the house in the last month and a half aside from grocery shopping and doctor appointments.
This is not a whining session. I know that six months from now everything will be in place. All the furniture, the knickknacks, the artwork, the books, the technology will all have found a place. All the closets will have been sorted out. We will be able to park the cars in the garage. All of our doctors and services will have been re-established. That's not just my hope, that's the reality from my own experience.
The only thing that will still be out of place is this Christmas. It just doesn't feel Christmas-y to me at all. I've put a smattering of decorations out (the ones I could find easily and then easily put up again later). I've bought and wrapped most of the presents and sent out most of the Christmas cards. But I just feel lost in this season. Separated from family and friends both physically and emotionally.
Everything feels chaotic but I know that it will settle down. I'll get through this - the move, Christmas, and this emotional upheaval - I am a survivor. It's just the waiting and working to get through to the other side is exhausting.
Here's hoping for a much happier, much healthier, less chaotic new year!
May 2018 reign free for all.