I cannot speak
My tongue is dumb
Spirit is shackled
Mind is numb
Such a whirlwind of change
in the days to come.
Although it has warmed up some this weekend and a good bit of snow has melted away, I still feel cold inside. I can't seem to get warm at all. It doesn't help that I woke up with a sinus pressure headache that feels like it is trying to push out my left eye. I feel cold and damaged. I have so many things to do yet I stumble when I try to complete them. I can't seem to even get my house clean! My husband has been out of the country all week on business. While this leaves me with plenty of time to get things done, it also leaves me lonely. I'm not as productive, it seems, when I feel lonely or isolated. So at least I've learned something about myself.
I can't prove it but I would swear that the cold takes almost as much out of me as physical exercise. I was out in the cold yesterday trying to scrape all the ice off of my sidewalk. There were places where it was a 1/2 to 3/4 inch thick! A serious danger for anyone trying to make a delivery. Between the physical work to get the ice up and off the sidewalk and the cold, I felt completely wiped out. But just after that my son wanted to go out shopping at the dollar stores just to get out of the house. And I took him and walked around three different stores for about two hours. I did it despite the fact that I was already in pain because he needed to get out and maybe I did too.
There is at least another month and a half of winter to get through. There are multiple tasks on my "to do" list that must be completed by then. I need to buckle down and fight again the cold and my own body to get these things done. I come from a long line of fighters who survive against the odds. I feel confident that I will get through this and find myself (and my muse) again.