A Break in the Cold

I cannot speak

My tongue is dumb

Spirit is shackled

Mind is numb

Such a whirlwind of change

in the days to come.



Although it has warmed up some this weekend and a good bit of snow has melted away, I still feel cold inside.  I can't seem to get warm at all.  It doesn't help that I woke up with a sinus pressure headache that feels like it is trying to push out my left eye.  I feel cold and damaged.  I have so many things to do yet I stumble when I try to complete them.  I can't seem to even get my house clean!  My husband has been out of the country all week on business.  While this leaves me with plenty of time to get things done, it also leaves me lonely.  I'm not as productive, it seems, when I feel lonely or isolated.  So at least I've learned something about myself.

I can't prove it but I would swear that the cold takes almost as much out of me as physical exercise.  I was out in the cold yesterday trying to scrape all the ice off of my sidewalk.  There were places where it was a 1/2 to 3/4 inch thick! A serious danger for anyone trying to make a delivery.  Between the physical work to get the ice up and off the sidewalk and the cold, I felt completely wiped out.  But just after that my son wanted to go out shopping at the dollar stores just to get out of the house.  And I took him and walked around three different stores for about two hours.  I did it despite the fact that I was already in pain because he needed to get out and maybe I did too.

There is at least another month and a half of winter to get through.  There are multiple tasks on my "to do" list that must be completed by then.  I need to buckle down and fight again the cold and my own body to get these things done.  I come from a long line of fighters who survive against the odds. I feel confident that I will get through this and find myself (and my muse) again.

Goodbye to 2014

Written in October 2014:
Sometime during the winter of 2014 a part of me died.  It's like I'm still trying to shovel my way out of the cold but that cold is within me.  I am only now beginning to reawaken.  An unfortunate time to re-emerge just as the first taste of autumn is touching the air.  It will not be long before the snow's begins piling at my door.  I will need to fight not to lose myself again.  In actuality it has been an interesting year.  We have traveled and done many things as a family:
Ohayo Con - January 2014

There was so much to see and do at Ohayo Con. Plenty of booths for goodies of all kinds.  However, I just loved watching all the people in full costume having a lovely time!

My favorite photo from the con - my family.

A New Great Niece was born - April 2014

My Daughter's Graduation - May 2014

So very proud of her!!

Holiday World - May 2014 and August 2014

My favorite photo from our trip to Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana.

My Son's Swimming Lessons Continued for Special Olympics - All 2014

Visit to the Indianapolis Museum during the summer

My Daughter's Departure for Japan - August 2014
There was a lovely going away party for my daughter at the Sunsphere in Knoxville, Tennessee.  She packed up all here things and drove with us up to Indiana.  She left for Japan from the Indianapolis airport.

And then she was gone to the other side of the world have adventures.

Starting Quilts for My Twin Great Nieces

The Theme is "The Universe is Yours to Explore".  And they deserve the best!

Halloween

Chicago at Christmas
This was the first time we had taken our son to Chicago.  He was shocked by the size of the city but loved all the Christmas decorations and the shopping!

Grand Lux Cafe

Grand Lux Cafe, Chandelier above our table.

Bundled for the cold!

Window Display

Willis (Sears)  Tower 103 floor at night - beautiful.

Shopping
Upon retrospection, I find that my husband and I did a bit of shopping for antiques (which we love to do - mostly just for looking) and for replacing items that are worn out, old, or outdated.  My husband is also sweet enough to take me shopping for clothes, jewelry, office supplies, and coveted books.  When he misses and anniversary or birthday due to travel for work, he brings me back the loveliest things - like lapis, agate, and silver jewelry, alpaca wool sweater, and llama pens (it's a pen with a 1 inch llama on top).  I love my husband, my mate for life, so very much. We try to keep each other balanced and entertained.

Books Read in 2014
The Lost Civilization Enigma - Phillip Coppens
The Sandman: The World's End - Neil Gaimen
The Sandman: The Kindly Ones - Neil Gaimen
The Ghost Next Door - Wylly Folk St. John
The Sandman: The Wake - Neil Gaimen
The Sandman: Endless Nights - Neil Gaimen
The Sandman: The Dream Hunters - Neil Gaimen
By the Silver Waters of Lake Champlain - Joe Hill
Maleficent - Elizabeth Rudnick/Linda Woolverton
Locked Out: An Oral History of Haden's Syndrome - John Scalzi
Carrie - Stephen King (re-read)
Midnight Crossroads - Charlaine Harris
The Atlantis Gene - A.G. Riddle
Grave Sight - Charlaine Harris (re-read)
Grave Surprise - Charlaine Harris (re-read)
Destination Truth: Memoirs of a Monster Hunter - Josh Gates
The Snow Goose - Paul Gallico (1941)
Dad is Fat - Jim Gaffigan
An Ice Cold Grave - Charlaine Harris (re-read)
The Boy in the Smoke - Maureen Johnson
Grave Secret - Charlaine Harris (re-read)
Shakespeare's Landlord - Charlaine Harris
The Doll in the Garden - Mary Downing Hahn
Eighth Grade Bites - Heather Brewer
Shakespeare's Champion - Charlaine Harris
Shakespeare's Christmas - Charlaine Harris
Shakespeare's Trollop - Charlaine Harris
Shakespeare's Counselor - Charlaine Harris
Ninth Grade Slays - Heather Brewer
Tenth Grade Bleeds - Heather Brewer
Eleventh Grade Burns - Heather Brewer
Twelfth Grade Kills - Heather Brewer


All this activity and some upheaval, yet my writing and my creativity during this time has been at a minimum.  I seem to have a complete block.  Putting pen to paper is an almost painful chore.  I don't know how to correct it.  Yet the other night I dreamed I was orchestrating a complex story line.  I saw the characters playing out the stories I had created.  The dream finished with me at a rectangle table with quill in hand saying to myself, "I had forgotten how much fun this is!"  And I woke myself up laughing in my sleep.

Should I view this as a sign?  Is my creative self waking up and breaking through the ice?  I feel as though there is a knock on the door, and I should answer.

January 8, 2015
The snow is already heavy on the grounds before we can get all the Christmas decorations put away.  We are saving some things so that we can have Christmas with our daughter, Heather, when she returns from Japan in March 2015.  I have made out my New Year's resolutions and plans.  I am working to put together a collection of short stories that I hope to release this year.  I am trying desperately not to fall into the same trap as last year.  I know I need to stay active both mental and physically.  It's always a struggle one way or another.